It is important to realise that you have a new relationship, different from the one you had before. You need to know how to nurture this new relationship, how to give it a positive value, and it can even be fun.
Now you must understand that the rules of the game have changed, that you are together 24 hours a day, you must agree on how the relationship is going to work on a practical level.
This is an exceptionally good time to redo the marriage vows, it is a perfect time to rewrite those new rules of the game.
This is the time to sit down with the partner and have a dialogue to see how we are going to do it now, how can we move forward, now it is different, we can start from scratch, we can solve things that were pending.
Now there are 2 captains in the same boat, before there were shifts per day and/or per hour.
The man is usually the boss at work and at home it was more the woman who was the leader, now he is at home and he also wants to be the boss, there are 2 bosses in the same boat.
Women are exceptionally good at managing the time that partners spent at home, they could subtly make them believe that they were the boss at home too, for a few hours, knowing that in reality at home she is the boss.
But now for 24 hours a day, instead of just 2 or 3 or 4 hours, he also wants to be the captain on this ship and things might not work out. Besides, he thinks he is the captain because as he is the captain in his job, he wants to be the captain everywhere, things might not go so well.
So, it is essential for both people to sit down and decide who is going to be the captain on what and what issues. There are things that are easy to agree on, especially things that you like to do, and agree that when you are the captain on those agreed issues, the other person will support you and vice versa.
The challenge will come in the agreements about what you like to do less, then you will have to know how to negotiate in a nice way, agree on a compromise, like for example, one week you can take the leads and the next week, the other person takes the leads, and so you team up.
So, what is important is to be aware that this is a new relationship.
Once or twice a day, look at some of the details of your partner’s behaviour that you really love and say something about it, say how much you love it, say it is amazing. And the partner can reply or smile, or however they want to express their feeling of appreciation for that recognition.
It is important right now to give value by acknowledging the characteristics that you like about your partner and saying them out loud. If you do not, something is going to happen, you are together a long time now and you are going to notice things that your partner does that you don’t like. And you are going to try not to say anything about it for a couple of days, and he is going to keep doing it until the moment comes when you say: why do you do it, I don’t like you doing it, stop doing it, and then you know what happens…. “I do it like I want to…!”, and that is when the arguments start.
It is about appreciating differences and especially noticing the things you like about your partner and making positive comments about them. Remember that people are different and will do things differently and you need to be happy with this perception.
Respect and appreciate the way the other person does things, it is her, or him, you are different.
In the end it is about learning the differences and appreciating the differences in the other person as well in order to maintain a loving and kind relationship.
Before, 60 or 70% of the day you were not together all the time, you didn’t have to manage the differences, but now you do.
So, it is important to accept and like what is different in your partner and focus on appreciating and recognising the positive in your partner.
